The “G” Word
Saturday, November 10th, 2007
Kindy Girl is a gifted child. I have no doubts about this at all. So why do I stumble over admitting this to others? Family, friends, fellow homeschoolers, heck, I even choke on the words when talking with Big Daddy about this particular issue. As I type this entry, I am struggling to resist the urge to justify my reasons for classifying her as gifted; to ardently defend my position to…. To who? This is not what I want to discuss. Defending or justifying Kindy Girl’s giftedness is not the primary issue on my mind. It is however, related. Where does this need to justify my determination come from? Why does this difficulty with the word “gifted” exist? How does having a gifted child affect homeschooling families? Why do some parents compete their gifted children against each other like show dogs? How can it be cool and not cool to be gifted all at the same time? And where do all these parental issues with the “G” word come from in the first place?
Most homeschooling parents were not homeschooled themselves. My husband and I are products of our respective public school systems. The institutional stigmas and clichéd social roles of public school still haunt us from time to time. I was in my system’s gifted program from 3rd through 12th grade and dealt with the highs and lows of being labeled as gifted throughout that time. I remember losing my love of learning as I approached middle and high school, first by hiding my abilities from my peers to avoid appearing “nerdy” or “geeky” and later by deliberately sabotaging my report card and refusing to be bothered with any homework whatsoever in order to secure my social status. I would dearly love to have a stern talk with my 15 year old self and explain how much this will not serve her later, but I know even if I could, it would not do much good. She will forever be immersed in a terribly unhealthy peer culture from which there is little escape, trapped in the middle of the smart, cool kids, the smart, uncool kids, the not-so-smart cool kids and the not-so-smart uncool kids. I wish I could tell her that it doesn’t really matter, that for all her efforts she wont really find a home with any of them. But I cannot. So instead I homeschool my own children, hoping to protect their love of learning and allow it to survive a bit longer than mine did before being forced into hiding.
I know this is the root of my “G” word issues. I was never fully comfortable being labeled with it myself. It makes me loathe to label my own children. But do I do them a disservice by not calling them what they are? After all, they are being educated in a much different environment. But occasionally, I still experience flashes of the old environment among parents. The struggle with whether or not it is cool to have a gifted kid has now shifted to the parents and I have been party to a few unpleasant conversations that start as a general discussion of how everyone’s homeschooling is going and deteriorate into a “my kid’s more gifted than your kid” mess.
I have found it is very common to run into other families in homeschooling circles with one or more children working above grade level in one or more subject areas. I often wonder if these same children would have been labeled as gifted by the public school system. Homeschooling parents with gifted children face a different set of challenges than a classroom teacher does when educating these kids. But they also have a great deal more freedom to foster their growth. Gifted kids are infamous for their asynchronistic development. One child may have language skills that far exceed her age, but she may still be struggling to reach grade level in mathematics. Another child may be a gifted mathematician, but not a great reader. A homeschooling parent can cater to this in a way that the classroom teacher cannot. They can also more easily support a child who is intellectually advanced, but not as developed socially and emotionally. This is not to say that this isn’t difficult some days. Keeping a gifted child actively engaged is a constant challenge and remembering to be considerate of their emotional needs or their hypersensitivity about their weaknesses can wear on a parent especially when balancing more than one child.
So what is the bottom line for me? I am proud of Kindy Girl in all her gifted glory. She is a wonderful, special child who surprises and delights me at least most days. I need to work to move past my issues with the “G” word and focus on what really matters. Gifted or not, I need to remember to really pay attention to my children and their development. I need to honor and develop their gifts and to respect and assist them with their weaknesses. I need to remember that they are not me and that their experiences with being gifted will be different and will be their own. They will find their own way through their education and it will be my privilege to witness it.
Kindy Girl is a gifted child. I have no doubts about this at all. So why do I stumble over admitting this to others? Family, friends, fellow homeschoolers, heck, I even choke on the words when talking with Big Daddy about this particular issue. As I type this entry, I am struggling to resist the urge to justify my reasons for classifying her as gifted; to ardently defend my position to…. To who? This is not what I want to discuss. Defending or justifying Kindy Girl’s giftedness is not the primary issue on my mind. It is however, related. Where does this need to justify my determination come from? Why does this difficulty with the word “gifted” exist? How does having a gifted child affect homeschooling families? Why do some parents compete their gifted children against each other like show dogs? How can it be cool and not cool to be gifted all at the same time? And where do all these parental issues with the “G” word come from in the first place?
Most homeschooling parents were not homeschooled themselves. My husband and I are products of our respective public school systems. The institutional stigmas and clichéd social roles of public school still haunt us from time to time. I was in my system’s gifted program from 3rd through 12th grade and dealt with the highs and lows of being labeled as gifted throughout that time. I remember losing my love of learning as I approached middle and high school, first by hiding my abilities from my peers to avoid appearing “nerdy” or “geeky” and later by deliberately sabotaging my report card and refusing to be bothered with any homework whatsoever in order to secure my social status. I would dearly love to have a stern talk with my 15 year old self and explain how much this will not serve her later, but I know even if I could, it would not do much good. She will forever be immersed in a terribly unhealthy peer culture from which there is little escape, trapped in the middle of the smart, cool kids, the smart, uncool kids, the not-so-smart cool kids and the not-so-smart uncool kids. I wish I could tell her that it doesn’t really matter, that for all her efforts she wont really find a home with any of them. But I cannot. So instead I homeschool my own children, hoping to protect their love of learning and allow it to survive a bit longer than mine did before being forced into hiding.
I know this is the root of my “G” word issues. I was never fully comfortable being labeled with it myself. It makes me loathe to label my own children. But do I do them a disservice by not calling them what they are? After all, they are being educated in a much different environment. But occasionally, I still experience flashes of the old environment among parents. The struggle with whether or not it is cool to have a gifted kid has now shifted to the parents and I have been party to a few unpleasant conversations that start as a general discussion of how everyone’s homeschooling is going and deteriorate into a “my kid’s more gifted than your kid” mess.
I have found it is very common to run into other families in homeschooling circles with one or more children working above grade level in one or more subject areas. I often wonder if these same children would have been labeled as gifted by the public school system. Homeschooling parents with gifted children face a different set of challenges than a classroom teacher does when educating these kids. But they also have a great deal more freedom to foster their growth. Gifted kids are infamous for their asynchronistic development. One child may have language skills that far exceed her age, but she may still be struggling to reach grade level in mathematics. Another child may be a gifted mathematician, but not a great reader. A homeschooling parent can cater to this in a way that the classroom teacher cannot. They can also more easily support a child who is intellectually advanced, but not as developed socially and emotionally. This is not to say that this isn’t difficult some days. Keeping a gifted child actively engaged is a constant challenge and remembering to be considerate of their emotional needs or their hypersensitivity about their weaknesses can wear on a parent especially when balancing more than one child.
So what is the bottom line for me? I am proud of Kindy Girl in all her gifted glory. She is a wonderful, special child who surprises and delights me at least most days. I need to work to move past my issues with the “G” word and focus on what really matters. Gifted or not, I need to remember to really pay attention to my children and their development. I need to honor and develop their gifts and to respect and assist them with their weaknesses. I need to remember that they are not me and that their experiences with being gifted will be different and will be their own. They will find their own way through their education and it will be my privilege to witness it.
